#47- Sweet taste of revenge

I’ve had a bit of a dark secret that I’ve never confessed for the past 10 years. My pride, my ego, was hurt. I was confused, not sure how to process what had happened but here it is: My very first Marathon was in 2005, and it was the Big Sur Marathon.

I didn’t finish.

I’ve spent ten years contemplating what happened, and the truth is I had no idea what I was doing, how to train or how Marathons worked. I was 24, feeling cocky and independent and quietly ran around my college town thinking I could take on any running challenge.  There wasn’t really internet blogging and instagraming to show me what I was up against. About 10 miles in, my body surprised me and quit. I hobbled along for a few miles after that, trying to nurse a few cramps in my legs but the uphill battle proved too much. I got scooped up by the Pooper Scooper and later drove my sorry ass home.

I didn’t give up my running career, but I didn’t tell anyone what happened. I ran a few more marathons, easy ones, but none of them settled my score with Hurricane Point, and I pretty much knew I was going to need a do-over. Even in 2012 when I made my original list, I contemplated putting Big Sur on there, and again when I made my 2014 list… it nagged until I typed it out: #47- Run the Big Sur Marathon again.

I’ve blogged about Marathons before ( here ) so I figured, this time I’d highlight some thoughts that went through my head during the entire process, start to finish:

3:00 am- No one is forcing me to get up. This is a nice hotel. I haven’t even gotten to enjoy it. I could just stay on this pillow and no one would no any different.

4:00 am- This bus ride is intentionally slow. Seriously. 1 hour to get 26 miles up hill? She’s driving slow on purpose. She’s making us feel every little hill, every little turn. This Bitch. Who the hell doe she think she is? She’s just jealous. And pissed off to work overtime.

4:15 am- Who’s this asshole running on the side of the road? What’s that? An “Ultra Runner”??? He’s running 26 miles TO THE START just to run the 26 miles TO THE FINISH?? Asshole. What an asshole.

5:00 am- This is the perfect spot for a terrorist attack. Look at us.  Sitting ducks. Where are the bomb sniffing dogs?? This is so stupid. Every. Single. One. Of. You. is stupid. Get your unattended bag away from me.

6:00 am- You all are stupid assholes. Why am I here? I wonder if I name drop, could one of these Park Rangers drop me off and I’ll start running halfway in?

6:45 am- I’m doing it! Let’s get this show started!!! I’m gonna dance all the way down the hill! Where’s the camera? I’m awesome.

Mile 3- What’s that noise? What’s that banging? Is that a pace-runner? Why are they banging on shit? Note to runners: If your shoe is going to squeak or your pockets are going to jingle, just quit now before someone kills you.

Mile 5- Men. What assholes. Look at them. They allllllll get to pee in the bushes, and I have to gamble my odds on a port-a-potty. Effff these guys. What was the pee-standing-up-cup called? Something something something Urination? I should have bought one of those. I need to pee.

Mile 8- So I’ve seen a man running barefoot, a man juggling balls,  a man running in a robe, a man with a HUGE sweat stain on his ass crack, and look here. The banging I kept hearing is a man who thinks dribbling a basketball for the entire marathon is a good idea. What an asshole.

Mile 9- If you’re going to pee on yourself, move to the side of the road and stay there. Asshole.

Mile 9.8- I got this. I’m awesome. This hill is NOTHING.

Mile 11- WTF. WTF. WTF. This is a legitimate hurricane. There goes my hat. Fuck it. I’m at the top! I’m awesome. This is amazing. This is insane. These winds MUST be 100 mph. I can’t even run straight. I might be blind.

Mile 13.1- Well, Kind of a slow time, but I’m feeling awesome! Let’s get this done!

Mile 16- Ehhhhhhh, still feeling good. Leg is knotting up. Why does this happen to me? Paramedics are watching me again. I’m ok. Gonna walk this out. Walk it out… walk it out… no big deal…. I only aim to finish…. ahhhhh crap.

Mile 20- Home stretch. I can do this. Even if I walk again I’ll finish. I can do this. We are all BFF’s here.

Mile 23- Where the FUCK is mile 24????

Mile 26- Sweet baby jesus, I hear the finish but I can’t see it.

Mile 26.2- Where are all my blood brothers at? I just got initiated. Why is this bitch smoking a cigarette after finishing a marathon? What an asshole.








2 thoughts on “#47- Sweet taste of revenge

  1. You go girl – congrats on finishing – that’s what it’s all about. Dale started running marathons at age 34, then decided to quit smoking. He did the Big Sur marathon at age 38… as a “training run,” and finished in 3 hours 15 minutes, he said there was no wind at hurricane point. His best time ever was at Sacramento International in 1993, age 39 – 2 hours 55 minutes. His marathons are triumphant events in his life and he remembers every pain! Marathoners are a special breed – I tip my hat to you Dannah!!

  2. You are truly the most amazing woman, Sis!! Congratulations on finishing. I just loved your story–you are a complete riot and I laughed so hard reading it. You have never been a morning person and your ‘reality’ posts were hilarious from 3 a.m. on!! This would be a fun read in a women’s magazine so submit it🤓💕

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