#3- Lost

I can only imagine the ridiculous fun this maze would have been for me as a teenager growing up in Dixon.  Sadly, if there wasn’t a house party or gathering in the fields…. me & my friends resorted to TP’ing houses or harassing Safeway and Denny’s (the only two businesses open late back then) employees as a way to pass our time.

Several years ago Cool Patch Pumpkins created a world record setting Corn Maze in my hometown.  I made a few half-hearted attempts to go, but each time my plans fell through.  I hate when my plans fall through, which is why this goal made it to #3 on my bucket list.

In my head, it all seemed easy. Every year there are laughable police logs where people called 911 for being lost. I reasoned with myself that I’d cut thru the field before I’d succumb to such embarrassment.  I reasoned that, my entire childhood I enjoyed riddles and brain teasers and puzzles and mazes. So this should be good fun!

It was.  For the first half hour. the second half hour was a bit frustrating with the long lines of maze tourists traveling behind eachother, riding everybody’s ass to get out of the way. The third half hour I was starting to whine alongside my kids.  Alternatively, Blake grew increasingly silent, which is also a bad sign. About two hours in I started cursing life.  A security guard threatened to evict some people for cutting thru and the threat actually sounded good to me.  I had done this all wrong. I needed to be 22, drunk, and with friends.  That’s the best way to go.

It’s a pretty awesome maze overall.  My critique: wider lanes for passing people. Trashcans here or there would  have been nice cause trash was EVERYWHERE.  $12 per person over 5 just SCREAMS that you’re looking to rip people off.  And selling water bottles or having the occasional haybale to sit on for rest breaks would be great.  And sign markers other than the grid locations would be great to help the maze-impaired.

Lastly, “Starbucks Station” is incredibly misleading.  There were no Baristas or a coffee Bar, and no explanation for why it appears Starbs was sponsoring this Maze.  Where’s the connection? Is Cool Patch a non-profit organization supporting the community and Starbs is joining the cause? Is Starbs buying locally-sourced corn and pumpkins from Cool Patch? What? Why?

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